I had a dream last night that I did something with my life that was painfully obvious but somewhat hidden to me today, and it brought me tremendous fulfillment, joy, and success. It was a career/lifestyle through which I was primarily being creative, but also using my brain in a way that is satisfying to my deeply intellectual side, and was adding to the richness of the world and the lives of other people, giving a sense of purpose to my being. It was something I already engage in today, that I already have an interest in and consider, but I took it in a slightly new direction, with great success. Now, I sometimes dream lucidly, and I had a moment in this dream where I thought, “this isn’t real right now because I’m sleeping, but when I wake up I HAVE to remember this, because this is what I am supposed to be doing with my life…”
And now, for the life of me, I can’t remember what it was.
I have spent my morning cleaning my apartment and drinking coffee, all the while combing through my every possible thought and interest, trying access some message hidden in a tiny pocket of my subconscious, anything that might trigger the recall of what this dream involved exactly.
I’m slightly inclined to believe it had something to do with photography. Or writing. Or editing/publishing. Or something like that… But what in the world would I be photographing that would be so fulfilling, and also intellectual in some ways? In this dream, both my creative and intellectual self were perfectly stimulated to create this wonderful sense of fulfillment like I have only felt as a child when I spent all my time immersed in exploring the world and myself, dreaming and wondering, imagining and experimenting… Where would I find that now? What was it?
I did consider this morning publishing, and then I thought of publishing Pagan books for children, which is something I thought of in the distant past. When I was in high school I actually started writing a book to teach children Pagan concepts and ideas. The difficulty there, though, is firstly that contemporary paganism is so diverse, and secondly that many adult pagans are converts from other religions where they felt they had something they didn’t believe in forced on them, so they are generally “against” the idea of doing the same to their children.
Personally I don’t feel that way. I think children need guidance to help them not feel adrift and to make sense of the world… No need to do so with an iron fist, but to give them a place to start by sharing your beliefs I think is something of a moral duty. There’s something wrong about just not telling a child anything about the Universe as we understand it. If as they grow they discover new ideas or develop their own understandings that don’t match their parents’, then fine… they are independent beings with a right to their own beliefs, and I think that is where the lesson of not forcing things down people’s throats should be applied, but not at the start of their life, by giving them nothing, or too much at once by trying to teach them about multiple religions of which most people likely don’t have sufficient knowledge unless you’re a religious scholar. We all need some basic foundation to build upon. What they build on that foundation is up to them, or if they want to tear it down and build their own. Whatever.
From what I have seen and heard, I think a lot of pagan parents are starting to shift their views. Baby boomer pagan parents were the ones mostly feeling they should let their child’s spiritual world unfold entirely on it’s own, but I think my generation is more open to the idea of involving children in pagan beliefs and practices in age-appropriate ways. As the contemporary pagan approach to the world broadens and becomes more understood and widespread, it’s easier to see where children might fit in. As pagans move away from traditionalist European practices, or round out their practice… Namely, as Wicca’s popularity dies down, and traditionalist Wicca loses its steam, it’s easier to see where children might fit in in non-Wiccan pagan settings that are becoming more popular.
So anyway… The other thing that I think this dream may have been about was screenwriting. Screenwriting is a secret pull that I’ve felt for years. I’ve started writing several scripts starting in high school, through college, writing, writing… never finishing anything, of course, but it’s always been there. I discovered a website about independent film screenwriting that introduced me to John Cassavettes’s work back in high school, and became obsessed for a while. I spent a lot of time researching, reading screen plays, studying how its done, dreaming and imagining… Starting trying to write some stuff. I return to it once in a while, but I’ve never told anyone about this interest. Nobody. It’s a quiet little thing that I’m shy about sharing.
My mom is always saying (and being told by people she meets and tells her story to) that she should make a screen play based on her life experiences. She says she wants to do it, but I’m not sure she’ll ever get around to it. I agree with what people say, and maybe one day I’ll be the one to write that screen play…