First of all, WOW am I glad that after all these years, WordPress finally got a clue and stripped down their overly complicated interface to glaring simplicity. I find this is now a place I look forward to blogging at. If they keep things this way for a while, I may end up spending more time here than at the blogging website where I’ve spent the last 12 years blogging!
I said back in January, and even when the year 2014 was approaching way back in December, that 2014 was going to be a year of big changes. And now here we are, almost 8 months into the year. It’s so cliche to say this nowadays (meaning now that I’ve gotten older and joined the “exponentially shrinking time arch” club), but the first half of this year truly did fly by.
Typically, each January I make a list of goals (not resolutions) for the year. I don’t think I ever got around to writing down this year’s goals, but I know that a couple of them I have anchored in my mind for this year have been: 1) rebuilding my savings after buying a car, to a certain number; 2) moving out of my mother’s house by the end of the year; 3) having a more solid plan for what I’ll do career-wise by the end of the year; etc. Some other loosely ambitious things… And usually when I write out my goals, I make them more specific, like a date of month rather than “end of the year” or a milestone. Anyway, I achieved the first two, at least.
I’m truly amazed at how effective goal making tends to be for me. In the last 2 years I made time-bound savings goals for myself, to save a specific amount of money. And I achieved the goal in both cases. The interesting thing is, once I reached my goal, I found it difficult to continue saving more above and beyond that number I had set to achieve. Things either kept coming up to take my money away from my savings, or whatever. I never dropped below the goal once it was achieved… I just had a very hard time getting too far over the number. So I think I need to keep an eye on my wording when making goals.
Secondly, in precisely one week, my lease on my first apartment begins. I’ll be moving away from everyone I know here in Illinois, including my family that lives here (who I currently live with) and my boyfriend (who is about 7 miles away currently), and I’ll be living alone in a studio apartment. It’s a big change. Yeah, it’s success in a goal that I made for myself, and I am happy for that.
In the last 2 weeks leading up to the move since I signed the lease, I’ve felt a mental shift in my thinking and my relating to the world. I almost feel like I become more myself when faced with big changes like this. I’ve faced so many big changes in my life, I feel like there’s a mindset that comes with them, and whenever I feel myself shifting back into that mindset, it’s like I’m a coming home of some part of me that’s been away for a while. There’s a comforting aspect of it for that reason, but also because the nature of this mindset itself. It’s a determined mindset. A willfull, strong, fearless, determined, confident, happy mindset. Of course, there’s also hints of aprehensiton and self-doubt, but I’ve learned to comort myself through that. It’s a sense of self-reliance. We‘ve been through this before Olivia… We can do this. Hold it together, tighten your awareness, and it’s go time. It’s a mental, psychological challenge, to move gracefully into new phases of life, to maneuver unknown challenges successfully, and to take hits as you bump into moments of failure and mistakes while making your way. But once things are going… the sense of accomplishment and the gained confidence and self-awareness is amazing.
I worry how I’ll keep from going crazy with loneliness while living by myself an hour away from everyone I know currently. But I plan on getting involved in things around campus, and I’ll meet people at my new store I’ll be working at. I worry about the silence in a home where I’m alone, and the creepiness at night. But I know I love having windows open, and there are plenty of them in the apartment, so that will let in outside noise of life. And I love listening to public radio, so I should probably finally become a supporting member at my new local station since my listening will skyrocket. I have hobbies to keep me entertained like guitar playing, knitting, painting, and writing. I’m sure you’ll see much more blog posts coming from me more regularly.
Anyway, I’m done writing for today.