I told myself that once I got my car up and running again, I would start doing more things like volunteering, spending more time with my sister, and travelling to stuff like fun shows in the city with friends, family, and my boyfriend. But none of that happened.
A lot of the time I blame my lack of time on the fact that I’m a full-time college senior and work about 28 hours a week at work. But really, that still leaves me a lot of time. So why is my time always crunched? Well, I give myself some room here because after returning to school after a 2 year “sabbatical”, it was difficult to get my bearings again. Honestly, I found myself down-right depressed. I also found myself spending a lot more time on facebook.
I decided about two weeks ago or so to stop using facebook. I deactivated my account. The primary reasoning behind this was that I was spending too much time on facebook, getting lost in my newsfeed and not focusing on real life. I was using it as a way to escape the stress that was piling up in life.
I’m a full-grown adult now, at 24, and I don’t have a lot to fall back on. The biggest thing I have going for me in the way of help is that my mother is letting me live with her while I finish school, rent free. Before I got back in school, though, she was asking for rent. No problem. The fact is, unlike a lot of people my age in situations similar to mine, I basically support myself entirely independently aside from the fact that I live rent-free (and utilities free) with my mother. I own my car. I work to pay for things like gas, school books, car repairs (and my 25 year old car needs a lot of them!), clothes, my own phone bill, my own car insurance, my own dental and health insurance, my own food. You get the idea. I feel like a pretty bona fide adult.
My mother provides practically zero financial support and it’s not because she doesn’t want to, but because she’s not able to. And I get that. I’m thankful I have a place to live! Life does get stressful, though. And facebook wasn’t helping.
As a young woman living in a world where so many young people are living with significant support from their families, I think I have every right to feel proud of myself for taking on what I have, even though I didn’t always have to, and handling it well. The problem with facebook was that I often found myself feeling like I was missing something. Why did everyone else’s life look so easy? Most of my friends have graduated college and have started careers in their field or at least have jobs that became open to them because of their degree. I, on the other hand, and just working on my final three or so semesters of getting my degree, with plenty of factors playing into this endeavor to stress me out. Yet, again, everyone else always looked to be getting on so well. And it’s not that I wanted to see my friends and family do poorly. Not at all. Of course I’m happy for them that they succeeded and I’m proud of them. Of course I didn’t want to hear how everyone else was doing awfully because that would be even more depressing!
I realized I just wanted to stop trying to figure out how to figure everything out! What I realized I needed to do was stop trying to figure everything out and just deal with what was in front of me. That meant cutting out the biggest distraction: facebook. Not only is it time-consuming, but it has a tendency to make people feel like shit about themselves. Again, it’s nobody’s fault… it’s just the psychology of the whole thing. It’s the nature of the beast for a lot of people. Facebook is depressing, and discouraging, and a monster.
So I’m off. I cut the cord. I still use instagram and I will probably be blogging more than I did in the past because I no longer use facebook as an outlet. Read me here. Or don’t. But this will be the real me, not little superficial snippets carefully chosen to portray an image.